Murder mode: ON

The good news is my grandad is recovering well now. The bad news is he's getting picky about his food and more easily irritated.

I'm not feeling very well myself. Physically, I'm healthy. But mentally, I'm just drained out.

How many times do I have to listen to people tell me their problems? Don't get me wrong. I love listening to people, if it means getting some load off their shoulder. But it's another thing when I listen but feel so helpless. Then the feeling of helplessness will turn into annoyance and I will immediately get into "murder mode". "Murder mode" is like the game Fruit Ninja, but instead of slicing fruits, I want to slice people's faces.

I don't know if this is the feeling of helplessness or it's the crazy hormones or BOTH.

I just got off the phone after listening to my friend cry. She cried out her frustration, anger and annoyance and all I could do was say "Calm down". I don't know if I should slap myself for not being able to make her feel better or slap that person who got her in that state.

I don't know.

So many things are happening in such a short span of time. I don't know how I somehow managed to get myself spiraled up in their web of mess.

I just don't know.

We Literally Want A Better Nation

. . .

Honestly, I was ready to let go of the unfairness and dirty tricks that were brought up in the latest "in" thing in Malaysia recently.

I kept telling myself, they cannot control us if we don't let them. Therefore, I think having another Bersih rally is honestly, a dumb move. Aren't we just allowing them to take actions on us? Aren't we giving them the chance to put labels on us? It is not worth it to put the lives of others in danger just because you cannot control your feelings and emotions.

That's just my personal opinion. Because deep down I know that we are better than them.

But then they had to bring up the racial issue...again. For the umpteenth time. When will they stop viewing us as 3 separate entities instead of one community? What happened to the "1 Malaysia" propaganda?

Oh, don't get me started.

Reading things on Facebook already pricked a nerve but you cannot always believe the things that are posted there. But now it is written in black and white in the newspapers and that was when it really pissed me off.

I refuse to succumb to the stupidity of these people. People who do not look at the bigger picture neither do they think before they speak. Fools who are so ignorant and egoistic. Barbarians who probably will only be satisfied when there is a blood bath involved.

We are better than them.

Immediate Emotions

Ripped off from Google

You know how when you are angry and your mind is filled with angry thoughts and you just spit out the first thing that comes out of your mind without actually filtering it?

I have done that once (that I recall of). I didn't exactly say it out but I wrote it in my blog (I have already deleted the post) and X actually read it and was hurt by what was written.

I suppose I didn't have the right to trash X that way. But refer to the first line again. I was really mad and when you are angry, any logic or reasoning just doesn't apply. I felt bad also after knowing that because I normally would not simply hurt people's feelings.

Theoretically speaking, I have always imagined myself walking away in an angry situation. But realistically, I don't know if that actually happens. Or if I'll just say what is on my mind at that instance.

And all that bullsh*t about "I didn't mean what I said" is pure bullsh*t because when you are angry, that is exactly what you meant to say.

I am not sure where I am going with this. If given the chance to properly meet X, I will apologise. And not apologising yet kinda bugs me now. Rawr.

On the bright side!

I donated my blood again! But this time round, I flinched a little when the needle penetrated into my skin and so the after effect is a swollen mark at my arm with clots of blood around it. Normally it should not look like this so don't be afraid to donate your blood, dear readers.

It looks like an infection, doesn't it? 

Instead of focusing on the blood clot and the geli-ness of the condition of my arm, my mom said,
 "Wahh, you very fair already, ah girl" =.=

And I also pledged as an organ donor with my mother's permission! Doing good does feel good!

I have pledged. Have you?

Exam is just around the corner! And after that I'll be done with Semester 2. Oh how time flies!

And before I end my post, KA-BAM!

*winks*

Run

I just recently got in touch with this song again (Run by Leona Lewis) while watching Vampire Diaries.

Funny how every break up song can be linked to how much you miss someone who passed away. And since I have not been in a relationship before, hence no break up for me so it has to be the latter.

Despite her being away for 5 years, it still brings tears to my eyes remembering every single detail during those last few moments with her. 

Just the other day I had a heart to heart talk with a close friend. It was sort of relieving but to bring up all those memories, it sort of dampens my mood these few days. 

Yesterday also I had a sudden realisation that things can never really be the same again. While it was almost impossible to meet up with a best friend yesterday, it hit me that in the following years, we might only meet one another once or twice a year. 

Can things really remain the same? Even with the advancement of technology, with our individual schedules, we often have to leave messages in each other's inbox and wait for the reply from the other party. There isn't really a time when 3 people can be online at the same time.

And video chatting couldn't possibly substitute for it. There's no personal touch to it. And it depends on the Internet connection also, which often in my case is terrible like shit.

Regardless of all that, I'm still thankful for that opportunity to meet up. It felt like everything just fell into place. Whether it was a coincidence or not that my trip was cancelled at the last minute could also be a blessing from God. 

Sometimes I feel guilty for putting friends first before family. But close friends are like family to me, theoretically speaking. They're just not blood-related but sometimes I feel that they understand me better than my family. I feel bad that I am more comfortable confiding in my friends than my own flesh and blood. 

I have so much to let out but I can't because of the possibility of hurting the people that I love. It feels so frustrating sometimes but really, what can I do about it? 

I feel really uncomfortable with this dark aura around me recently. I want things to go back to the way they were, however naive and stupid that might sound. I need things to be okay again so I can concentrate on more important things. I want to fix them but I don't know how to and where to start. 

All I can possibly think now is to run away from there. Run far enough to leave that trail of thoughts behind.

Blessed

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOWWWW! >.<

I just wanna hug everyone. /HUGGSSS

Free hugs, anyone?

Picture from Google

I've just completed my assignment which is not due tomorrow but the tutor wants to have a look at the draft anyways. I've been so stressed out and distracted lately. Especially with Twitter and Facebook, even though there's nothing interesting going on. Haha. Actually I'm sort of "stalking" someone and I think I might have scared him away on Twitter :/ But I just wanna be friends :( Oh wells.

About the assignment. I've honestly given my best despite the procrastination so I hope it turns out well. I've never known how badly assignments can contribute to my grades. Now that I know, I'm not about to screw it especially when I know I can score in this. 

God works wonders, doesn't He? :D

I was about to give up doing my assignment. I know you're thinking, "Assignments. Pffft. A piece of cake." But seriously. I was stuck at one point and really didn't know how to go about with it. I've downloaded about 20 journals but most of them I found out later were kinda irrelevant. I even gave up reading the journals cos they were so long winded =.=
 I was about to give up when I remembered an inspirational quote which says,

 "God will not give you what you cannot handle"

 And so I held on to it. I prayed for God to give me the strength to carry on and I know if I try my best, He would guide me through.

Time was also a factor. I'm not about to show papers filled with crap to the tutor tomorrow.  That would be idiotic

I'm not trying to sound intimidating or in any way trying to creep you off. But facing these circumstances I can only count on God, although I'm not all that sure of my religion. But I know that there's a God and believing in God makes things a lot easier. 

So thank you, God. You are amazing in every way.

<3

I've been listening to U-Kiss 0330 although I know nothing of what they are singing. But the music is AWE-SAAAMMM! When I say I've been listening, I've had it on replay for more than 10 times. I'm still not sick of it. :/

First time putting up a Korean video. Ahha!

And no, I'm still not into K-pop or whatever. But guys who can dance are really hot.

Things are finally getting in place. I can feel it. I know I can do well in this mid-term if I give it my all again. 

:D

I have a sudden craving for satay panggang. Pork satay. I WANTTT

Random #6

Today has been really uneventful.

And the Internet is rather slow. Okay let's look on the good side. At least I am still able to go online :D

I have this mid-term paper coming up on 24th October and an assignment which is due the same date. I feel really really stressed out right now. There's not much information which can be found online and those which I found are not credible. OMG. When did coursework become so tough? When? WHEN??

And I don't know what to study for mid-term. Actually I know but... everything is in a mad rush. T.T

I wanted to register for MQA this week. Registration opens on 15th October at some ungodly hour. I went to the Registry at 9.30 am and the quota was filled up! What kind of nonsense is this? Isn't office hour at 9 am? Or 9.30 am? =.=

Bodoh.

So now I might have to take Business elective and do Marketing. I don't know what I am getting myself into, seriously. I am scared of taking Business cos I might be alone and that means making new friends and that is tough, wei! When did making new friends become so tough? When? WHEN?

But I am glad that I am able to make more Malaysian friends. Hooray! That means being able to rojak-fy my English :D

I need to get out of my comfort zone, asap.

Good news is my uncle is bringing me to buy my new camera this weekend. My posts have been pretty picture-less lately. Will take new photos with le new camera. Can't wait!

Friend or Foe?

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met

-Taylor Swift ; Red

I just met someone recently. I guess we had a nice chat. Yea, you can say that. Was looking forward to today but it didn't go as expected, at all.

I guess I have you to thank for dampening the start of my day.

How did you suddenly become so cold?

Am I so small that it's easy to ignore me?

Would offering a smile hurt your face? Or put a dent on your ego?

I don't know. You're really something, aren't you?

Been hooked to this song

Of Different Emotions

I am so effin' mad right now.

Okay, not really angry mad. More of really irritated. 

Maybe it's PMS. Pre-menstrual syndrome.

Or the shit load of assignments to do. And I don't know how to start.

Or the fact that I tried to book an early flight to Singapore but the fee increased.

Or that the stupid credit card transmission cannot seem to get through.

Or that the INTERNET IS STUPIDLY SLOW.

T.T

I give up.

Positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts.

On a brighter note (wahh change mood so fast ^^), I went for a mini charity concert yesterday in Help Main Block. Paid RM 8 for it. Actually I was cheated cos on the promotional poster it said ticket price is only RM 5.

Who's lying now?

Somehow, they sold out those tickets so the ticket I bought was considered as a late-comer ticket. Like that also can -_- But since it was for charity, so I paid willingly lah. The acts were pretty good. Most of them are/ were Help University students. And most of them sang. But it was a night to let go of stress and just take in the music. There were a few guys who played the guitar/ keyboard and they can sing and they got swag, yo! Nice 3 hours to "cuci mata". 

:)

Reuben Kang was the emcee for the event. In case you don't know who Reuben is, he is quite famous. (in Malaysia at least). He's one half of Jinnyboy TV. If you don't know who Jin is, he's the DJ for Hitz.fm. If you don't know what Hitz.fm is, seriously WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING?!! 

Ya that dude is Reuben Kang a.k.a the Malaysian version of Psy. 

Have you heard this version of Gangnam Style? I kinda like it. Everyone is catching the Gangnam fever. OMGGG. Even one of my lecturers, who looks like Psy, danced this yesterday. Didn't know he was that sporting. @.@

Left : Reuben, Right: Mr Lecturer

People in Help are really cool.

Reuben is kinda cute also. I tweeted him after the concert and he replied
:)

I read this blog about this Singaporean blogger cos one of my friends mentioned her on Facebook and Twitter. I read about how she met her husband online. She was only 21 then and he flew to Singapore to meet her. He's all the way from the States. Really sweet story. But also kinda scary that she took the chance. I mean for all you know, he can be a rapist or a serial killer right? You cannot trust people you meet online.
But aww.. damn romantic lah her story. 

I was so sappy after reading it. 

Now I hope I'll meet a guy who is as passionate as him. And who would sacrifice everything to be with me.

I would sacrifice some stuff also lah. I'm not that selfish, k?

<3

Although I strongly feel meeting people via the web for the first time is pretty creepy.

:S

Also I feel that she looks so much prettier with her original hair colour. Maybe because I don't really fancy blonde girls. Not that I'm stereotyping them or whatever. I just prefer girls with darker hair colour (?) I think she is beautiful just the way she was, before the surgeries and stuff. People have no right to call her a slut or a prostitute or "plastic" just because she underwent a couple of surgeries.

Who are you to judge, seriously?

I think that was one of the reasons why I was mad also. Because people think its right to call girls names just because they're hiding behind a screen. And like she said, you're no Zac Efron or in my case Ryan Reynolds. You don't have the look or the body and the brain for that matter, so just shut the eff up. No one is passing around judgement about you or calling you ugly. Just shut up and mind your business, assholes.

Happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts.

So damn hot. /faints /dies

But he's married again.

#Emo

:(

Pictures taken from Google

A Normal Problem, No?

I think someone is mad at me now and I am mad at myself for letting it get to me. Honestly don't think that she has the right to be mad at me when the other person is pretty chill about it. But then again, this might just all be in my head. Although I am quite convinced that my instinct is right. I think I am also getting my period soon. Lol totally irrelevant. But proofs to accompany my totally irrelevant statement. I cannot control my anger during that period of the month, pun intended. Hence the statement above about being mad. And also because I lashed out at the kids yesterday. If I am there any longer and I don't control my anger, I might have to be filed for child abuse. This evening I was about to fall asleep when my phone rang. Ignored it and a few seconds later my house phone rang. Then the dog barked. Was gonna sleep again before my handphone started vibrating again! Slept for what seemed like a short time and the alarm went off. Was beyond frustrated I had to yell into the pillow. Wtf has become of me?! Is this normal? My oestrogen,FSH,LH and progesterone levels are sky-rocketting like angry bulls being provoked. Everything seems to be heightening EXCEPT my height. -.-