1. Thoughts on Tabitha. Thinking about how things will be different if she is around. I haven't been thinking much about her lately but because I met her eldest sis the other day, and the way she talks reminds me of Tabitha. I really miss her, badly.
2. How much I appreciate my friends in University right now. I think I finally grasp the meaning of true friendship and how friends play a really big role especially now, when I'm far away from home, far away from my comfort zone. I feel like I have stepped out of my comfort zone multiple of times now that I am in KL. Feels pretty good most of the time. But sometimes there is a need to just step back into it and reflect on life. Like right now.
3. Thinking how complicated relationships can be. Our feelings is just one pile of mess on its own. When it comes to relationships, it just defies all logic and reasoning. Like you can knock a ton of sense into someone, let him/ her see the big, clear picture but at the end of the day, 'feelings' is the one that screws up everything.
4. Worrying about how I am doing this semester. It is not going the way I want to. Been procrastinating so much lately. It's like having things done at the last minute, has become a habit. I am settling for "as long as I pass" instead of wanting to do well. Get your head together, Kelsey.
5. I really really miss home.
6. I just want to run. Is this a form of escapism?
7. I want to talk to that someone, someday. Like have a proper conversation.
I cannot decide on the mood right now. I have been listening to emo songs but I am not particularly emotional or anything. Just that emo songs are also very soothing, kind of like the one below
Also the voice of the singer is really calm and sexy
Haven't been back home in quite some time. I am dying with having to eat the same food or worse still, not knowing what to cook for dinner. I NEED ME SOME MALACCAN FOOD. Or a car to drive out and hunt for some KL food. When will I be brave enough to drive in KL? T-T
I would do anything to have those food now. The epitome of home sick eventhough home is just a 2-hour journey away.
Been putting a lot of time into WMHD. We recently did a launch and a song mob, which were pretty successful? I assume so. I had to leave halfway during the MOST interesting event for my Quantitative assessment. FML I really suck in timing. I know I have said this countless of times but I am really glad I joined WMHD. I'm most excited for the new places I get to go with these people. I am no longer stuck facing only the four walls in my room. Yay!
Most of the WMHD people are in there. Photo credit to Jo Li
I also realised that my biological clock is crazy again. I can now stay up til 7 am but will wake up really late in the afternoon, usually when I start feeling really hungry. This is bad right? And this semester sees me being so nonchalant about my studies despite nearing deadlines and mid-terms coming. Focus, Kelsey!
I have a lot on my mind right now. Maybe I should just list them down.
1. Figuring out if I should confess to this guy but then questioning why? When did life become so complicated? Haha it probably isn't, I just love exaggerating. But it is nice being around him and knowing more about him. My friend says give it time. I am more comfortable around him now and it brightens my day whenever I see him in University. I'm corny like that, I'm sorry.
2. I feel the need to go for a run. To train for my 10k marathon in a month's time and to just lose some weight and to feel healthy. /I'm fat and unhealthy for my size ERMAIGAWDD O.O
3. To prioritise. Especially in my studies. The goal this time is 3.25. If I can get higher, that would be great. But Social Psychology and Advanced Quantitative might just be the death of me. Need. To. Start. Studying. Soon. Today.
4. Start on group assignments. The assignments this semester are a pain in the butt because we need to get out to do group activity or interview someone. Really not looking forward to it.
5. Get more involved with Re:ed. I haven't attended any classes since the start of the new semester.
6. Find out my purpose in life. Haha. Okay, let me rephrase. Put more thoughts into my future. Set goals I want to achieve by the end of this year. But usually when it comes to goals, then it involves "getting good grades for my current semester", how boring. I need to work on a list a.s.a.p.
Everything is just a clutter in my head right now. 50 shades of cloudiness (Yes, I've been reading 50 Shades of Grey)
I must say I was quite disappointed that my WMHD article didn't appear in the R.AGE section in the Star although they e-mailed and said they would publish my piece. But I'll try again one day.
2013 has been kind to me so far. Turning 21 and getting more exposure, meeting new people and hopefully growing each day have been more than just a blessing. 3 more months til it ends so lets try to accomplish more things!
If someone approaches me and asks me that, this would be my answer:
Life is short so live everyday like it's your last. Cos you don't know when you're going to leave this world. Or you don't know when someone dear to you is going to leave your side forever. Then you'll live your days regretting not spending enough time with him/ her. Or how you never got to say 'I love you' enough.
Make plans for the future. But don't take it for granted that tomorrow you'll open your eyes.
You're probably wondering why I'm suddenly being so melodramatic. Haha.
I suppose it's the hormones.
Right now I feel like I have a situation at hand. I don't know if I'm sending mixed signals or vice versa. Sometimes I feel like I fit in but sometimes I feel like a misfit. All I know is I enjoy being there but there are times when I don't feel like myself. But if I don't grab the chance and test the water, how will I ever know, right?
I think I'll start posting at least one post per month. I even forgot to post about my 21st birthday celebration last month. On my birthday cake, it was written "Happy 21th Birthday, Kelsey" #laugh.die.me. But all in all, you know I'm gonna say that I feel blessed and grateful cos some of my relatives came from Singapore. Friends whom I thought cannot make it showed up. There was nothing more I can ask for.
Things have been shaping up lately. I made so many new friends. Curb that shyness away sometimes. Although, it is in my nature to not talk a lot but just to listen instead. Dove traits are really prevalent in me :D sometimes I find myself boring. Oh my gosh. But with the right company of friends I can talk like there's no tomorrow. Then I think again, maybe it's not me but it's them. Hmm.. But seriously, I appreciate people listening to me however lame and dry I can be sometimes.
Anyway, I am really really happy that I decided to join World Mental Health Day although I feel that my contribution is just a tinsy bit. But the few people that I get to know there makes going for meetings, roadshows, fund raisers etc such a joy. Although I have butterflies in my stomach sometimes because of God knows what, it goes away almost immediately. The fun experiences and the even more wacky people there are what makes university life a lasting memory. Something I can pen down in my book of memory. The beginning of a new chapter. You get where I'm going, right?
I didn't really have a certain "theme" to talk about when I started this post, like how I sometimes have so please excuse the unflowness of today's post.
I've been thinking recently, when am I gonna get a boyfriend? I don't know if I'm a girlfriend material kind of person--> what does that even mean? But I'm so excited to try. I think I've been so excited that I go crazy with the first guy I have a "connection" with. Haha. Bad idea. But they usually will just be crushes. Sometimes lingering crushes. I suppose also it's not been in my nature to be really close to guys. I never really had that kind of experience with any guy in my family. They're all just my relatives, not really people whom I'm comfortable confiding in. I suppose I'm taking the Freudien approach in this and just blatantly blaming my past and childhood.
I don't know why I'm using Psychology jargons now.
What am I trying to say? I'm not quite sure. But if I were to have a boyfriend, which I hope I do, I pray that God gives me one who is loving, understanding, has a wicked sense of humour and good looking, if that is not too much to ask.
I would like to feel these feelings
The first time we hold hands.
The first time we kiss.
The first "I Love You's"
That ought to be exciting, right?
But for now, I'll take things as they go and enjoy each day as it passes by.
WMHD for the win. I feel like a fcking mafia in this photo. Oh good lord. And I'm really hungry at this ungodly hour. Rawr
