Post of the Day #2

Write what you remember as a child. Write about random memories. Make it a list.

Like I have mentioned earlier, I don't really remember much about my childhood. My memory has never been the best hence recalling History facts have been a pain growing up.

1. I don't watch that many Disney movies when I was younger. In fact, I don't think I actually sat down and watched an entire Disney movie, ever. What I remember watching were Popeye, Powerpuff Girls, Dexter Laboratory etc. But I really loved reading "Cinderella"

You see I have a brother 4 years older than me, so when it came to TV time, he usually got to choose the channel because he is, well, older than me. So I mostly watched WWF when I was younger. Yup wrestling. I remember the Rock's punchline (?) was "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?" I was exposed to such violence at a young age *the horror*. I distinctively remember my brother doing a WWF stunt on me at my grandmother's house also. So if you're wondering why I am violent most of the time, blame WWF. It's kind of a waste that my parents did not send me for martial art classes. I would love to kick some butts or channel that anger to something physical.

2. I used to sit the bus to go to kindergarten although it is really near my house. I suppose my parents wanted me to learn to be a little bit independent? Even when I was younger, I did not make friends very easily. Whenever I feel like I don't fit in, I usually just shun away instead of trying harder to mingle. So on the way to kindergarten, I often sat at the front and spoke to the bus driver. You can say the bus driver adored me :) 

During the first day of kindergarten (?), I did not want to get down from the bus so what I did was I pulled my Principal's hair when she tried to get me off the bus. Haha. Violence strikes up again!

3. *bangga moment* I started sleeping in my own room at a young age, according to my parents. Probably when I started kindergarten. And I loved sleeping with the lights off.

4. Last time during weekends, my family will either go cycling to Bukit Serindit, a park near my house or we will go swimming. I don't know when we stopped doing all that.

5. My family together with my grandparents and uncles and aunts used to go vacations together when I was younger, still with my mushroom hair style. Somehow, we stopped doing that also.

6. A boy asked me to be his girlfriend when we were both 12. But I said no. I think now karma is getting at me. I'm 21 and still single. Blehh :/

7. I went to a Chinese kindergarten but then continued on to Convent schools during Primary and Secondary years. Nobody really enforced the importance of Mandarin during my time. So my Mandarin is really rusty. Only lately I learn to speak and read a little bit of Mandarin.

8. I used to stay at my grandparents' house after school, while waiting for my mother to get back from work. Once I broke the handle of the water dispenser, and frightened that my grandfather will punish me, my grandmother took the blame for me. She told me to lie and say that she did it :'(  first time I felt like I really love my grandmother.

9. I think I used to cry a lot when I was younger. Haha.

10. I was close to losing my grandmother. I don't remember when it happened but a vein in my grandmother's brain ruptured and she was in a comma. I don't really remember much about it but I knew that feeling of almost losing her is something I never want to experience again.

11. I lost my best friend when we were both 17 years old. She passed away on Valentine's Day.

12. I used to play with water a lot during bath time. Me and my brother would wet the toilet paper, make it into a ball and throw it to the ceiling while it got stuck there. Of course, my grandfather caught us. 

13. There was one point of time when I was in Standard 3 where I did not want to do my homework. I would stack my homework or hide them until my parents caught me. That was the first time I got canned by my parents. I think that was the only time I got canned.

14. I was the class monitor from Standard 1 to Standard 3. I was also the Head Prefect in Standard 5. My name is engraved on the board in my primary school.

15. I loved to run when I was young. I would join the running event every year during Sports Day.

16. My only school trip during Primary school was to Cameron Highlands. I loved it.

17. I have stolen a postcard from Popular book store. I really liked Wu Chun from Fahrenheit last time. I have the postcard on my cupboard now :D

It sounds like I was a really mischievous child but I actually am not. These are just the memories I can recall, and they are mostly of me doing bad stuff. Haha. 

Post of the Day #1

Stumbled upon this somewhere while surfing the net.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2013/10/15-prompts-for-getting-to-know-yourself/?fb_action_ids=10152329369089278&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

I have decided to have one blog post for every item listed there.

Write about the day you were born. Write about the obvious stuff, such as where you were born, what day, what time. Then explore the tiniest details. Talk to who was there. Are their recollections similar? Any distinct differences?

I was born on 19th May 1992. In a hospital somewhere in Malacca. I can never remember my time of birth. What most people don't know is that I am a premature baby. Yes, I wasn't consuming food/ nutrients through the umbilical cord so the doctor(s) had to do a C-section on my mother. I forgotten how much I weighed but I know I was really really tiny, being 7 months only. I think I was put in the NICU because I was so tiny. The doctor probably worried I have under-developed lungs and organs, I think.

I don't remember who were there but I would assume my family was there. My dad, my bro, my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, maybe? Of course everyone had to be there to see me! ;)

I don't remember much about my childhood. I never really bothered to anyway. Only sometimes when I get curious, especially growing up, I'll ask my mother how I was like as a kid. My mom told me that I learned to speak really late, like later than normal toddlers? But since when have I been "normal" and followed the rules? Pfft.

Although being 7 months only, I still grew up with a pair of functioning hands and legs. I'm just really short. Like I said, nothing about me is normal.

I know I was cute when I was young, with really big eyes and the mushroom headed hairstyle. Come on, which baby didn't have the mushroom/ helmet hairstyle? You gotta be kidding me!

Somehow, I wished my parents have recorded moments of me growing up. It would be fun to look back and recall all those memories.

Random #8

Wow so much going on in my mind right now.

1. Thoughts on Tabitha. Thinking about how things will be different if she is around. I haven't been thinking much about her lately but because I met her eldest sis the other day, and the way she talks reminds me of Tabitha. I really miss her, badly. 

2. How much I appreciate my friends in University right now. I think I finally grasp the meaning of true friendship and how friends play a really big role especially now, when I'm far away from home, far away from my comfort zone. I feel like I have stepped out of my comfort  zone multiple of times now that I am in KL. Feels pretty good most of the time. But sometimes there is a need to just step back into it and reflect on life. Like right now. 

3. Thinking how complicated relationships can be. Our feelings is just one pile of mess on its own. When it comes to relationships, it just defies all logic and reasoning. Like you can knock a ton of sense into someone, let him/ her see the big, clear picture but at the end of the day, 'feelings' is the one that screws up everything. 

4. Worrying about how I am doing this semester. It is not going the way I want to. Been procrastinating so much lately. It's like having things done at the last minute, has become a habit. I am settling for "as long as I pass" instead of wanting to do well. Get your head together, Kelsey. 

5. I really really miss home. 

6. I just want to run. Is this a form of escapism? 

7. I want to talk to that someone, someday. Like have a proper conversation. 

Don't Wake Me Up

I'm temperamental

I get jealous pretty quickly

I have low self-esteem

I don't make friends easily

I'm short

And most of all,

I'm just ordinary.

Now how do I turn all these around?

Guess, it's just one of those days.

Again, I just want to run in the empty streets, turn the music on and go on til my legs get weak

Picture from Google

Thoughts. Mostly The WHYs?

"Why would some people want to have sexual relations with children, with corpses, with barnyard animals, with whips and chains, with shoes, in groups, in front of observers, obsessively and so on?"

I came across this while reading my Human Personality book and it got me thinking. I am still trying to figure it out and searching for an acceptable answer. Why? Why? WHY? Is sex that powerful that you have to let it take over your body and mind? I don't know, man. I feel like I need to rationalize this with somebody.

During Child Abuse class, Mr Alex showed us a few videos on children being abused by their parents. And we're talking about children below 10 years old, being hit, by the people they regard as "parents". It's sick, to be honest. 

He showed us a video of an eighteen year old mother who was frustrated with her 10-month old baby. She kept hitting the baby with a pillow and pinching that poor child. Honestly, it pissed me off because the mother was being irresponsible on so many levels. Don't even get me started on premarital and unsafe sex. 

Child Abuse class is depressing but also very insightful. Now I have more questions in my head :/

Also while reading my slides, I came across this. It is a bit random and out of context, but, heh.

List down 5 life goals that you have

1. To travel to a third world country and help the people there especially the children in providing education

2. To have a happy marriage. To love and be loved.

3. To publish a book/ write in for newspapers or magazines

4. To travel to as many places as possible

5. To be someone people can always rely on. 

I feel like I accomplished a few things yesterday. I even went for a jog after stopping for a while. Yesterday was a brilliant day. Let's hope today will be the same or even better :))

Food or Thought?

I cannot decide on the mood right now. I have been listening to emo songs but I am not particularly emotional or anything. Just that emo songs are also very soothing, kind of like the one below

Also the voice of the singer is really calm and sexy

Haven't been back home in quite some time. I am dying with having to eat the same food or worse still, not knowing what to cook for dinner. I NEED ME SOME MALACCAN FOOD. Or a car to drive out and hunt for some KL food. When will I be brave enough to drive in KL? T-T

I would do anything to have those food now. The epitome of home sick eventhough home is just a 2-hour journey away.

Been putting a lot of time into WMHD. We recently did a launch and a song mob, which were pretty successful? I assume so. I had to leave halfway during the MOST interesting event for my Quantitative assessment. FML I really suck in timing. I know I have said this countless of times but I am really glad I joined WMHD. I'm most excited for the new places I get to go with these people. I am no longer stuck facing only the four walls in my room. Yay!

Most of the WMHD people are in there. Photo credit to Jo Li

I also realised that my biological clock is crazy again. I can now stay up til 7 am but will wake up really late in the afternoon, usually when I start feeling really hungry. This is bad right? And this semester sees me being so nonchalant about my studies despite nearing deadlines and mid-terms coming. Focus, Kelsey!

I have a lot on my mind right now. Maybe I should just list them down.

1. Figuring out if I should confess to this guy but then questioning why? When did life become so complicated? Haha it probably isn't, I just love exaggerating. But it is nice being around him and knowing more about him. My friend says give it time. I am more comfortable around him now and it brightens my day whenever I see him in University. I'm corny like that, I'm sorry.

2. I feel the need to go for a run. To train for my 10k marathon in a month's time and to just lose some weight and to feel healthy. /I'm fat and unhealthy for my size ERMAIGAWDD O.O

3. To prioritise. Especially in my studies. The goal this time is 3.25. If I can get higher, that would be great. But Social Psychology and Advanced Quantitative might just be the death of me. Need. To. Start. Studying. Soon. Today.

4. Start on group assignments. The assignments this semester are a pain in the butt because we need to get out to do group activity or interview someone. Really not looking forward to it.

5. Get more involved with Re:ed. I haven't attended any classes since the start of the new semester.

6. Find out my purpose in life. Haha. Okay, let me rephrase. Put more thoughts into my future. Set goals I want to achieve by the end of this year. But usually when it comes to goals, then it involves "getting good grades for my current semester", how boring. I need to work on a list a.s.a.p.

Everything is just a clutter in my head right now. 50 shades of cloudiness (Yes, I've been reading 50 Shades of Grey)

I must say I was quite disappointed that my WMHD article didn't appear in the R.AGE section in the Star although they e-mailed and said they would publish my piece. But I'll try again one day.

2013 has been kind to me so far. Turning 21 and getting more exposure, meeting new people and hopefully growing each day have been more than just a blessing. 3 more months til it ends so lets try to accomplish more things!

Overall, I am thankful.

The Re:Ed Project-- We're Up Online!

I recently did a newspaper interview for Harian Metro, which also turned out to be an online article. Both the newspaper article and online article are out! Below are what the few volunteers had to say. They paraphrased my part a lot, probably because my Bahasa sucks :/

But first time having my full name written in an online article and in the newspaper....ahhhh... :)))

First article on what the Re:ed volunteers do: http://www.hmetro.com.my/myMetro/articles/Berubahlepas3bulan//Article/index_html

Second article on what the volunteers have to say about Re:ed (My part included!) http://www.hmetro.com.my/myMetro/articles/Bantucepatkuasaimatematik//Article/index_html#child  (Basically what I copied and pasted below)

To know more of what we do, visit https://www.facebook.com/thereedproject

Bantu cepat kuasai matematik

Bagi pelajar Ijazah Sarjana Muda Psikologi Universiti Help, Rashiqah Ahmad Raqi, 21, pengalaman menjadi tutor di rumah anak-anak yatim menjadikan dirinya lebih memahami cara me­ngendalikan pelajar yang kebanyakannya lemah dalam pelajaran.

Ini dapat dilihat ketika kali pertama bertemu secara lebih dekat, Rashiqah tidak terus membuat andaian yang mereka tidak mempunyai keinginan belajar tanpa menyelami perasaan dan masalah mereka terlebih dulu. 

“Memang benar selepas menjadi tutor Matematik untuk dua pelajar, saya dapati mereka mempunyai keinginan untuk belajar. Ini dapat dilihat sepanjang pengajaran, mereka memberikan tumpuan sepenuhnya dan menyelesaikan kerja sekolah dengan bersungguh-sungguh,” katanya. 

Berdepan pelajar yang tidak boleh mengira memberi cabaran kepada Rashiqah untuk memberi kefahaman dengan jelas kepada mereka.

Apa yang dilakukan adalah mengukuhkan asas matematik yang sepatut­nya sudah dikuasai. Kemudian dia memberikan latihan kerana menerusi­nya mereka dapat menguasai dengan cepat.

“Latihan Matematik banyak membantu untuk lebih memahami asas pengiraan seperti tambah dan tolak. Saya mengajar cara untuk cepat mengira dan memberi jawapan dengan cara mencongak. Bagi menguji kefahaman, ujian diadakan pada setiap peringkat dan sekiranya berjaya mereka akan dinaikkan ke tahap seterusnya,” katanya yang meng­gunakan buku bersiri Kumon Bend J tahap 1,2 dan 3. 

Mengakui menjadi pe­ngajar untuk pelajar buta huruf bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah. Selain bijak mengendalikan emosi, Rashiqah harus tahu sama ada mereka bosan atau tidak memahami apa yang diajar menerusi gerak bahasa tubuh. 

Jika kelihatan gelisah dan tidak lagi menumpukan perhatian, dia akan berhenti mengajar dan meminta pelajar berjalan-jalan selama 10 minit sebelum menyambung semula dengan aktiviti teka silang kata atau permainan menerusi komputer tablet. 

“Dengan cara ini mereka kembali bersemangat dan menumpukan perhatian mengenai apa yang diajar. Walaupun adakalanya timbul rasa marah sekira­nya pelajar masih tidak faham walaupun sudah diajar berkali-kali, saya harus bersabar kerana kaedah kekerasan sebenarnya tidak membantu malah akan menyebabkan emosi mereka terganggu. 

“Sebaliknya saya meng­gunakan sepenuhnya apa yang dipelajari dalam subjek psikologi ketika mengajar mereka. Ia sebenarnya sangat berkesan,” katanya. 

Anak bongsu empat ber­adik ini menjelaskan walaupun tidak menerima sebarang ganjaran, dia sangat gembira kerana dapat menghulurkan bantuan kepada golongan kurang berkemampuan. 

Melihat perubahan setiap hari dengan ada antara mereka sudah boleh membaca dan mengira dengan lancar, ia satu kepuasan yang sukar digambarkan dan lebih berharga melebihi wang ringgit. 

Pada masa hadapan, Rashiqah berharap lebih ramai sukarelawan tampil membantu pelajar meningkatkan pemahaman dan mengurangkan kadar buta huruf di sekolah. Pada masa sama dia ingin menjadikan pembelajaran sesuatu yang menyeronokkan dan bukannya paksaan. 

Kuasai skil membaca dan mengira 

Bagi Izram Haris Abd Hamid, 23, sifat suka mende­ngar serta membantu rakan yang sedang dilanda masalah antara ciri utama dia memilih jurusan psikologi di Universiti Help. 

Baginya, sebelum menolong orang lain dia harus memahami diri sendiri terlebih dulu dan ini banyak dipraktikkan menerusi aktiviti sukarelawan yang dijalankan bersama rakan lain. 

Dia bersama rakannya, Brian dan Pow ketika mula-mula merangka dan membuat perancangan mengenai Projek Re:ed mengakui, di Lembah Klang saja ramai pelajar buta huruf dan mereka memerlukan bantuan de­ngan cara menghadiri kelas pemulihan terutama mata pelajaran Matematik dan bahasa supaya perkara asas seperti membaca dan me­ngira mampu dikuasai dengan baik. 

“Menerusi Projek Re:ed ini sekurang-kurangnya tenaga sukarelawan yang sedikit ini mampu mengubah masa depan menjadi lebih cerah. 

“Bayangkan sekira­nya seorang pelajar dapat diubah dan dia pula akan menolong orang lain di kemudian hari, sudah pasti ia menjadi satu pusingan pendidikan yang positif sekali gus mampu memberikan sesuatu yang bernilai kepada masyarakat. 

“Walaupun usaha ini dilihat kecil, ia membawa makna yang besar bukan saja kepada pelajar tetapi sekolah, keluarga seterusnya negara,” katanya. 

Jelasnya, setiap orang dilahirkan sama dan berpotensi menjadi insan berjaya suatu hari nanti sekiranya mereka tahu cara menggerakkan nilai positif dalam diri mereka. 

Sama seperti pelajar ini walaupun realitinya mereka bermasalah dan buta huruf, siapa tahu pada masa depan mereka menjadi individu berjaya. Namun kejayaan pada masa depan banyak bergantung kepada hari ini dan cara mereka menguruskannya. 

“Antaranya adalah menerusi pendidikan iaitu dengan memberi kesedar­an mengenai pentingnya pendidikan pada masa depan. Mengubah nasib mereka hari ini dapat mengubah kehidupan pada masa akan datang. Ia juga langkah mengelak daripada masalah sosial yang kebanyakan dilakukan mereka yang tidak berpendidikan,” katanya yang akan mula mengajar pada 7 September ini untuk subjek Bahasa Melayu, Inggeris dan Matematik. 

Perbanyakkan kosa kata 

I cannot look at my face T-T

Pendapat yang sama turut diberikan Kelsey Wee Chie Shin, 21, yang menjadi tutor di SMK Tengku Idris Shah untuk mata pelajaran Bahasa Inggeris. 

Dia sentiasa mengingat­kan diri supaya tidak melihat perkara negatif dalam diri pelajar sebaliknya mencari nilai positif supaya nilai yang baik ini dapat dikembangkan. 

Setiap manusia dilahirkan sama dan selepas menjadi guru kepada pelajar di sekolah ini, dia mulai sedar mereka bukanlah pelajar yang lemah sebaliknya banyak faktor me­nyebabkan mereka menjadi seperti sekarang. 

“Sebagai pelajar psikologi saya lebih memahami mengapa seseorang itu menjadi seperti dirinya hari ini, sama seperti pelajar di SMK Tengku Idris. 

“Mungkin masalah keluarga, kewangan dan persekitaran menjadi punca mereka lemah dalam pelajaran. Ini kerana selepas mengadakan kelas saya dapati mereka mempunyai keinginan untuk belajar dan bersungguh-sungguh membuat latihan,” katanya. 

Untuk subjek Bahasa Ing­geris, kelemahan pelajar dari segi memahami sesuatu perkataan. Perbendaharaan kata mereka sangat lemah, jadi Wee lebih memberi tumpuan kepada cara untuk memperbanyakkan kosa kata dengan membaca seberapa banyak buku Bahasa Inggeris. 

“Kali pertama mengajar saya sangat terkejut apabila ada antara mereka langsung tidak memahami perkataan yang mudah. Ini menyebab­kan saya terpaksa mengajar perkara asas supaya mereka lebih jelas apabila sudah berada pada tahap seterusnya,” katanya. 

Bagi mengelak pelajar bosan, dia cuba mempelbagaikan kaedah pengajaran dengan cara mengadakan permainan seperti teka silang kata serta memperbanyakkan penggunaan gambar. Menerusi kaedah ini mereka juga lebih tertarik untuk belajar. 

Lebih penting, mereka mahu datang ke kelas secara sukarela pada setiap minggu. Seperti sukarelawan yang lain, Wee juga tidak pernah mengharapkan ganjaran atas kerja amal yang dilakukan­nya. Sifat suka menolong sejak kecil menjadikannya seorang yang ikhlas dan sentiasa memenuhi keperluan mereka yang memerlukan. 

“Sejak kecil saya suka menolong orang terutama rakan yang memerlukan bantuan. Untuk Projek Re:ed, saya berbangga kerana dapat menghulurkan bantuan kepada pelajar ini. Melihat perubahan mereka daripada tidak boleh membaca kini semakin lancar, ia satu kepuasan yang sukar digambarkan. 

“Saya berharap Re:ed akan terus berkembang bukan hanya untuk satu atau dua sekolah, tetapi untuk semua pelajar yang menghadapi masalah buta huruf agar masa depan mereka lebih terbela,” katanya. 

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make More Than Just Lemonade

I fcking love HELP World Mental Health Day! -- wish I can have a car bumper sticker saying that in bold red letters.

Aside from the mental awareness we're carrying out, the good cause and what not, I really love hanging out with the people who constitute it. Being an introvert (I've never really realised I was one until I stepped foot into University), it finally hit me hard that it is pretty easy to make friends.

Step 1: Stop being shy and start approaching people. Stop expecting people to come approach you instead. 

Step 2: Just open your mouth and start talking some random shit. If you're lucky, people will respond to you. If not move on and find other victims.

But I'm lucky enough to find that one friend I can always rely on eventhough it means being in her shadows sometimes. But it also means being able to share the fun she's having XD

Note to self: Try to be yourself but at the same time, be more comical and get rid of whatever insecurities. "Sometimes I wish insecurity is a non-existent"-- I tweeted that yesterday :D

"Life teaches you so much when you grab the opportunities presented to you"-- aside from getting a more in depth knowledge on addiction, World Mental Health Day has taught me so much more. Brought along so much exposure. Gave me the opportunity to try new things, things I wanted to do but never really thought was possible. 

The people there are genuinely kind, so warm, funny and witty. It was an overwhelming feeling to be accepted and be apart of such a big family. They're so passionate-- they can go on with sleepless nights but still manage to find time to have fun. It's so intriguing and interesting to see their burning flame-- why do they do it? What are their reasons? I feel so inspired, I've decided I'll give it my all also to contribute as much as possible before we end everything in October. 

I'm ranting all these because I'm still having the Penang fever. Had the time of my life! I wish I could hug and hold on to everyone for a longer period of time but the new semester has to kick in (awww dang!). 

[Awesome team of flash-mobbers in Penang]

I'll write a full cover up story on my experience in HELP WMHD when everything is over in October. Just less than 2 more months to go-- let's make the best out of it! 

Murder mode: ON

The good news is my grandad is recovering well now. The bad news is he's getting picky about his food and more easily irritated.

I'm not feeling very well myself. Physically, I'm healthy. But mentally, I'm just drained out.

How many times do I have to listen to people tell me their problems? Don't get me wrong. I love listening to people, if it means getting some load off their shoulder. But it's another thing when I listen but feel so helpless. Then the feeling of helplessness will turn into annoyance and I will immediately get into "murder mode". "Murder mode" is like the game Fruit Ninja, but instead of slicing fruits, I want to slice people's faces.

I don't know if this is the feeling of helplessness or it's the crazy hormones or BOTH.

I just got off the phone after listening to my friend cry. She cried out her frustration, anger and annoyance and all I could do was say "Calm down". I don't know if I should slap myself for not being able to make her feel better or slap that person who got her in that state.

I don't know.

So many things are happening in such a short span of time. I don't know how I somehow managed to get myself spiraled up in their web of mess.

I just don't know.

The Big C Hits Again

Cancer. Don't you think cancer is such a bitch? It's even more of a bitch because it'll just spread to wherever it wants. 

The world could do better without cancer. I did a paper on breast cancer recently. It is the number one cause of death in women all around the world. No surprise there.

Last time I asked you to pray for my grandmother. This time round I'm asking you to please pray for my grandfather.

We recently found out that he has colon cancer. It sounds so scary. I don't know much details. We don't know what stage the cancer is at now. We'll have to wait for after the surgery to find out. 

They say, God has a plan worked out for us. I've put some thoughts into it. What are His plan this time? Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming God for all of this though. I'm just wondering, why my grandpa? Why now when he's in his 70s? Is it possible to trade places with him? I would volunteer, any time any day.

My grandpa's surgery will be on next Tuesday. And what sucks is that that is the day I'm heading back to KL. The timing this month has been a pain in the ass especially for me. I wish I could stay in Malacca, to help out after the surgery or something. Or to just be physically present there.

My family members haven't exactly told my grandparents the truth about the cancer. My grandpa knows that he has to go for an operation but he thinks that it is just because of some ulcer and growth. They call it polyps (?), no idea what that is. But the lab report showed that the growth is positive for cancer. 

I'm pretty confident that the surgery will go well. I read an article online about colon cancer just now. I pray that the cancer cells have not metastasize and spread to other areas or else chemotherapy and sometimes radiation may be necessary. Chemotherapy is another bitch. I've seen my aunt go through it and it sucked the energy out of her. I'm afraid my grandpa will be too weak for it

And get this, the risk of getting colon cancer increases as you get older. What kind of sick joke are you playing, world?

I'm trying not to think so much about this.

God, I know I don't pray often but this time round, please please please take good care of my grandpa. 

What's Your Reason?

A friend asked me,

"Kelsey, why do you come to Kapar to teach every week?"

I don't really have an answer for it. All I know is I enjoy doing it. 

You know that feeling when what you're trying to get through actually gets delivered? Yea, that really comforting feeling. 

That's why I do it every week. 

Funny Encounter

Just now after class, a guy approached me to help fill up some questionnaire for him. He asked,

"Are you in a relationship?"

"No"

"Were you in a relationship before?"

"No"

"Do you wish to be in a relationship?"

"HELL YES!" O,O

Needless to say, I didn't qualify to answer the questionnaire T.T

The Re:ed Project

So I recently joined the Re:ed project, something that HELP University is a part of with a few other Teach For Malaysia members. What we do is, volunteer to teach weaker students in SMK Tengku Idris Shah in Kapar, Selangor.

I've attended only 2 sessions so far and I'm teaching English to a few fourteen years old girls. Every time when we are done for the day, the pioneer/ founder of this program sort of, will say a few encouraging words and thank us for helping out because he's really down with volunteers at this moment. 

I heard him say those words twice already. And it's quite saddening actually because these kids will come to school, not pay attention in classes, fight with their friends and the cycle just repeats every single day. Then there are those notorious ones who will join gangs and do just about everything but study. 

But there are also students who want to study but they just don't understand what the heck is going on in class. These are students we hope to help. 

They are waaaayy behind in their studies. Like the girls whom I'm 'tutoring' now, they're actually still reading storybooks with one big picture and just a sentence in a page. What shocks me even more is that they can sometimes pronounce and read the words in the books but they don't necessarily understand the meaning of the sentence. I can try speaking to them in English and asking them simple questions but they're too shy to respond back in English. And I know that they understand what I'm saying because they can translate it in Malay! 

Today, however we played the game 'Stack Up' (?) and I could see some improvements in them. These little improvements and their interest plus effort to come to school every Saturday to study, however small it is, for me, it says something. Maybe their future is not so bleak after all. Maybe the efforts that the volunteers put in will not go to waste after all. 

Another reason that they fall behind in class is because of the distractions caused by other kids. Bored kids. I'm not trying to be sexist but these kids are usually the male kids. We were brought to tour around the school just now and believe me when I say that this is the first time I see bent ceiling fan blades and the legs of the plastic tables being ripped apart. Even the metal gates were partially destroyed. These students even tried to burn down the back of the class! 

I thought I saw the worse when I was in Form 6 in a co-ed school but this is beyond, way beyond what I expected. 

It's unbelievable what these 14 years old boys can do. Imagine what they will be like in a few years if this kind of attitude persists. 

Then it comes the question, who is to blame for all of these? Honestly, I don't know because it is debatable. But hey, nobody's pointing finger at anybody now. 

Conclusion is, we can try to help them as much as possible, but at the end of the day if they don't try to help themselves then everything will just be for nothing. So I'm happy to see some familiar faces who come to class in hopes of getting something in the 2 hours we spend with them. I wish that we can find more volunteers so that these students can be personally tutored instead of doing it in pair or in a group of four. 

So if your university has a similar program like this, go and volunteer! For me, it means sacrificing about 4-5 hours of my Saturdays. But I find it really beneficial also because along the way I'm improving my Bahasa :) 

Do good and God blesses you in ways you cannot imagine. 

Just Living Each Day

What is your take on life? 

If someone approaches me and asks me that, this would be my answer:

Life is short so live everyday like it's your last. Cos you don't know when you're going to leave this world. Or you don't know when someone dear to you is going to leave your side forever. Then you'll live your days regretting not spending enough time with him/ her. Or how you never got to say 'I love you' enough. 

Make plans for the future. But don't take it for granted that tomorrow you'll open your eyes. 

You're probably wondering why I'm suddenly being so melodramatic. Haha. 

I suppose it's the hormones. 

Right now I feel like I have a situation at hand. I don't know if I'm sending mixed signals or vice versa. Sometimes I feel like I fit in but sometimes I feel like a misfit. All I know is I enjoy being there but there are times when I don't feel like myself. But if I don't grab the chance and test the water, how will I ever know, right? 

Sigh. 

Definitely the hormones talking right now. 

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark

Have I mentioned that I really wanted to be a musician? Maybe in another life. As of right now, I can't play any musical instrument, not even the guitar although I did try to learn some chords which I have forgotten :B And not to mention how tone deaf I am. Oh God why?

If I have a boyfriend who can sing and play the guitar/ piano for me, that'd be awesome :D

Then maybe next time I can force music lessons on my children. Haha I kid. 

I've been hooked to this song.

My songs know what you did in the daaaarrrkk

So light em' up, up, up, up

I'M ON FIRRREEEEE

Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone, Sort Of

I think I'll start posting at least one post per month. I even forgot to post about my 21st birthday celebration last month. On my birthday cake, it was written "Happy 21th Birthday, Kelsey" #laugh.die.me. But all in all, you know I'm gonna say that I feel blessed and grateful cos some of my relatives came from Singapore. Friends whom I thought cannot make it showed up. There was nothing more I can ask for.

Things have been shaping up lately. I made so many new friends. Curb that shyness away sometimes. Although, it is in my nature to not talk a lot but just to listen instead. Dove traits are really prevalent in me :D sometimes I find myself boring. Oh my gosh. But with the right company of friends I can talk like there's no tomorrow. Then I think again, maybe it's not me but it's them. Hmm.. But seriously, I appreciate people listening to me however lame and dry I can be sometimes. 

Anyway, I am really really happy that I decided to join World Mental Health Day although I feel that my contribution is just a tinsy bit. But the few people that I get to know there makes going for meetings, roadshows, fund raisers etc such a joy. Although I have butterflies in my stomach sometimes because of God knows what, it goes away almost immediately. The fun experiences and the even more wacky people there are what makes university life a lasting memory. Something I can pen down in my book of memory. The beginning of a new chapter. You get where I'm going, right?

I didn't really have a certain "theme" to talk about when I started this post, like how I sometimes have so please excuse the unflowness of today's post. 

I've been thinking recently, when am I gonna get a boyfriend? I don't know if I'm a girlfriend material kind of person--> what does that even mean? But I'm so excited to try. I think I've been so excited that I go crazy with the first guy I have a "connection" with. Haha. Bad idea. But they usually will just be crushes. Sometimes lingering crushes. I suppose also it's not been in my nature to be really close to guys. I never really had that kind of experience with any guy in my family. They're all just my relatives, not really people whom I'm comfortable confiding in. I suppose I'm taking the Freudien approach in this and just blatantly blaming my past and childhood.

I don't know why I'm using Psychology jargons now. 

What am I trying to say? I'm not quite sure. But if I were to have a boyfriend, which I hope I do, I pray that God gives me one who is loving, understanding, has a wicked sense of humour and good looking, if that is not too much to ask. 

I would like to feel these feelings

The first time we hold hands.

The first time we kiss. 

The first "I Love You's"

That ought to be exciting, right?

But for now, I'll take things as they go and enjoy each day as it passes by. 

WMHD for the win. I feel like a fcking mafia in this photo. Oh good lord. And I'm really hungry at this ungodly hour. Rawr

She's My Hero Too

It's Mother's Day! And I would like to give a HUGE shoutout to the world's best mother, MY MOTHER. 

Thank you for everything that you've done for me for the past 21 years. Actually words cannot describe how thankful, grateful and blessed I am to have you in my life. 

For 21 years, you have constantly been worrying about me. Heck, even before I was born into this huge, monstrous world, I was already keeping you at your feet. 

Thank you for providing more than adequate care and love for me when I was young right up til' now when I'm a young adult

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to get knowledge and education even if it means you'll worry even more now that I'm 2 hours away from home

Thank you for your constant calls just to check up on me. Almost often when you call, you'll ask if I've eaten. And more often than not, you'll always ask me to take care just because you can't physically be here to do so yourself. Thank you again for the genuine care

Thank you for all the money that you've spent buying me food, clothes, books, necessities and even my own car

Thank you for bringing me on trips. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to go to all these beautiful places and experiencing all sorts of wonders of the world. Hong Kong, China, Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia and Europe just to name a few. Even Paris! I've never imagined to visit and be on the Eiffel Tower! THANK YOU because you made that dream come true

If I were to continue listing all that you've done for me for the past 21 years, this would be a never ending post

You are definitely a super mom, juggling so many things yet still able to be there for your family, for me. 

I'm sorry for the times that I've been rude to you. The times I refuse to heed your advice. And also for worrying you a lot.

Sorry also for not saying the words 'I love you' enough. But just know that everytime I hug and kiss you, every ounce of my body is screaming those 3 letter words. And I'll continue to do that til' you get tired of me 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I am what I am today all because of you. And dad also :) 

Thank you for providing me with the best family! I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. 

I LOVE YOU! Sending back hugs and kisses to you! 

We Literally Want A Better Nation

. . .

Honestly, I was ready to let go of the unfairness and dirty tricks that were brought up in the latest "in" thing in Malaysia recently.

I kept telling myself, they cannot control us if we don't let them. Therefore, I think having another Bersih rally is honestly, a dumb move. Aren't we just allowing them to take actions on us? Aren't we giving them the chance to put labels on us? It is not worth it to put the lives of others in danger just because you cannot control your feelings and emotions.

That's just my personal opinion. Because deep down I know that we are better than them.

But then they had to bring up the racial issue...again. For the umpteenth time. When will they stop viewing us as 3 separate entities instead of one community? What happened to the "1 Malaysia" propaganda?

Oh, don't get me started.

Reading things on Facebook already pricked a nerve but you cannot always believe the things that are posted there. But now it is written in black and white in the newspapers and that was when it really pissed me off.

I refuse to succumb to the stupidity of these people. People who do not look at the bigger picture neither do they think before they speak. Fools who are so ignorant and egoistic. Barbarians who probably will only be satisfied when there is a blood bath involved.

We are better than them.

Immediate Emotions

Ripped off from Google

You know how when you are angry and your mind is filled with angry thoughts and you just spit out the first thing that comes out of your mind without actually filtering it?

I have done that once (that I recall of). I didn't exactly say it out but I wrote it in my blog (I have already deleted the post) and X actually read it and was hurt by what was written.

I suppose I didn't have the right to trash X that way. But refer to the first line again. I was really mad and when you are angry, any logic or reasoning just doesn't apply. I felt bad also after knowing that because I normally would not simply hurt people's feelings.

Theoretically speaking, I have always imagined myself walking away in an angry situation. But realistically, I don't know if that actually happens. Or if I'll just say what is on my mind at that instance.

And all that bullsh*t about "I didn't mean what I said" is pure bullsh*t because when you are angry, that is exactly what you meant to say.

I am not sure where I am going with this. If given the chance to properly meet X, I will apologise. And not apologising yet kinda bugs me now. Rawr.

On the bright side!

I donated my blood again! But this time round, I flinched a little when the needle penetrated into my skin and so the after effect is a swollen mark at my arm with clots of blood around it. Normally it should not look like this so don't be afraid to donate your blood, dear readers.

It looks like an infection, doesn't it? 

Instead of focusing on the blood clot and the geli-ness of the condition of my arm, my mom said,
 "Wahh, you very fair already, ah girl" =.=

And I also pledged as an organ donor with my mother's permission! Doing good does feel good!

I have pledged. Have you?

Exam is just around the corner! And after that I'll be done with Semester 2. Oh how time flies!

And before I end my post, KA-BAM!

*winks*

That Frown

She is filled with resentment and hatred
She feels bitter towards the world

Every ounce of hope is deliberately gone
Every chance of happiness seems far away
Every drop of tear is now dried up

Everything that she cared about, she lost it
Every single one of it

She cried
She wailed
She called out

But who is there to hear her now?


This does not depict the way I am feeling right now. It was something that I thought about because I can't fall asleep although it's 5.42 in the morning.

Note: I was going to put a picture of a sad clown but I got freaked out by it. Clowns are effing scary.

Random #7

Let me list down all the random things I did/ experience today

1. As usual, my Malaysian Studies teacher is obviously anti-government. Every week during class, I am afraid some ISA dude will barge into class and capture all of us.

2. Everything that I've learned in Pengajian Am is pointless cos I don't remember a thing. And now things get even more complicated because the names are all in English

3. The jam in KL is NO joke.

4. I had to ring my cousin a total of 7 times to wake her up this morning.

5. My cousin did not brush her teeth today. Eeeeww gross.

6. I've spent all my RM 250 book voucher. Yipee!

7. I'm supposed to be back in Malacca now.

8. I'm supposed to be finishing my reflective paper. Alright, back to assignment-ing!

Thank God for the weekend

Twin Towers @LIVE 2013

Double posts today yo!

Today I attended my first World Mental Health Day meeting. It was pretty good. I'm REALLY excited for the events that they have lined up ^^ really proud of myself for finally having the balls to join such a huge "club"

And just last Friday I got to meet the first K-pop band that I like, U-Kiss! Jjang eh!

U-Kiss at Twin Towers @ LIVE 2013

We were lucky enough to secure ourselves fanzone tickets for the price of RM 25 instead of RM 150. HOW AWESOME! But I heard some people got their fanzone tickets for free lar. Pffft.

I met a lot of the Malaysian Kiss Me there. They had placard and the fan club people were selling shirts also. Bersemangat wei. A fan club member gave me this bookmark sort of thing. She actually gave me additional 5 pieces when I asked for more. How kind.

I was so close to the stage. Like 2 rows from the stage. If the 2 rows of people weren't there, I would have gotten the chance to touch Kevin and Eli's hands T.T But overall, I was damn excited to be there. They played songs that I knew. And the dances that they performed were damn sexy :B

ELLISON KIM

KEVIN WOO

KEVIN WOO again

Their complexion is so good. And they shine so brightly. I kid not.

Right after U-Kiss performed, it started raining really heavily and I got tired of standing so I moved to the back. After waiting for an hour, Demi Lovato came out. Wow her vocal range is superb wei! And she's so pretty. Too bad I didn't know many of her songs. I heard she performed til 2 am. Power man. I left the place at 12 am because I felt uneasy since it was quite late. 

Thank you God for making sure I arrived the Residence safely. 

Wished I went for the Backstreet Boys concert the day after. I would have stayed til 2 am for that :(

Next K-pop concert I want to attend is 2PM's. Nichkhun <3 <3 <3

PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!

NICHKHUN 

Wang Lee Hom is currently in Kuala Lumpur. So near yet so far T-T  

I want to attend his Open Fire concert in Genting T-T

WANG LEE HOM

I took this shot at the Twin Towers concert. Thought it was really pretty 

KLCC

Obviously some of the pictures are not mine. Credits to the respective owners