Psychology Jokes

Here's some jokes my senior posted on Facebook

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

 " I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure."

 "Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well."

 "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Wait a minute please."

And yes, it's 3 am and I'm still not asleep. 
No mood to attend class later
T.T